How to Send Your Kids to Hell
by Rich Murphy
1. Never discipline your children, because it might hurt their feelings and infringe on their freedom.
2. Allow your children to do whatever they want, because you wouldn't want to destroy their creativity.
3. Whenever your children whine, complain, or throw a temper tantrum, give them what they want so that they will stop.
4. Don't teach your children the Bible, especially anything that sounds at all like a commandment. It's okay to teach Bible stories, as long as you ignore the lessons from those stories.
5. Allow your children to watch whatever they want on television, listen to whatever music they like, and read whatever magazines strike their fancy. Don't worry that these may not be good influences; they can decide this for themselves.
6. Don't worry about who your children's friends are. Instead, allow them to run with whatever crowd they like.
7. Keep yourself too busy to have time to be involved in your children's lives.
8. Don't tell your children you love them; instead make sure they understand how much of a nuisance and burden they are.
9. Be careful to avoid the word "NO" as it might prevent them from discovering themselves.
10. In all things make sure that you are not a godly example for your children to follow. Don't pray, don't study the Bible, don't help at church, and don't listen to worship music at home.
11. Be so concerned with being your child's friend that you would never contradict a wrong idea that they have.
12. Avoid family activities that might strengthen your relationships as a family. Instead, allow them to make up their own fun, even if it does involve dangerous, sinful activities.
13. Never compliment your children on their accomplishments. Always expect more, better and bigger from them. That way, they will come to understand that they aren't good enough and aren't worth anything.
14. Make sure your children receive as much of the world's influence as possible. Especially anything that would broaden their horizons, such as early sex education, learning that homosexuality is an acceptable alternate lifestyle, or anything that degrades the traditional male/female roles. If you have trouble accomplishing this, public schools and television will be glad to help you out.
Copyright © 2004 by Richard A. Murphy, Maranatha Life. All rights reserved.