All women grow up with the idea that they will find their White Knight, ride off together into the sunset, and live happily ever after. Lots of stories, television programs, and movies support this idea, showing them, as teenage girls, how wonderful it will be to finally find their own White Knight.

Unfortunately, as it is said, "love is blind." So, many times, when the woman finally finds her White Knight, she doesn't see the spots and rust on his armor. She doesn't notice that his horse is really an old broken down nag, and that bring romantic is something he's never even heard of, let along knowing how to practice it. She rides off into the sunset, sure that her White Knight will take her to the castle of her dreams, where she can be queen of the castle, enjoying all the benefits thereof.

After the honeymoon, all of the sudden, reality reaches up to slap her in the face. She starts looking around to find her White Knight, because this man she married couldn't possibly be him. He snores, smells bad, throws his clothes on the floor, and in many other ways shows how uncultured he really is.

What happened? Like I said, "love is blind." Although she thought she was walking into the marriage with her eyes wide open, in fact they were closed. She was seeing everything through rose colored glasses. Through those glasses, everything always looks great.

But, the dream dies hard. Throughout her life, she's still waiting for her White Knight to ride through the door, sweep her off her feet, and ride off into the sunset with her.

Okay, so all of this is just a dream. So what? Why can't the dream become reality. Specifically, why can't we, as men, learn how to be the White Knight of our own wife's dreams? Instead of letting someone else ride in on their white horse, to claim the heart of our fair maiden, we can do it ourselves.

As men, more than anything, we want our wives to be a loving, passionate, beautiful companion for all aspects of our lives. But, in reality, we're the ones who prevent her from being that. You can't expect a woman to act like a queen, if you don't treat her that way.

There was a small tribe somewhere in Africa. The custom in that tribe was that the man had to pay a dowry for his wife, before he could marry her. The dowry was negotiated between the man, and the girls father. Normally, a girl would bring a price of two, or three cows for her dowry. If she was a real knockout, the dowry might be as much as five cows, but that was the most anyone in the village could remember.

One of the men of the village had a rather plain looking daughter. She was reaching marrying age, and he thought to himself, "I'll be very fortunate indeed if my daughter brings as much as two cows. She's just not all that special."

One day, a young man came to talk to this father about his daughter. The father was surprised that this young man was interested in his daughter, since he came from a rich family. He could literally have the pick of all the girls in the village. But, since he came seeking this man's daughter, the father hoped that by bargaining hard, he might get the price up to three cows.

The young man started off the bargaining by offering ten cows for that man's daughter! Obviously, the man was caught totally off guard by such an offer. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that someone would offer ten cows for his daughter! Why, the most beautiful girls were going for a dowry of five, and his daughter was anything but beautiful. Still, since the young man had offered it, he would be a fool not to accept, and he did.

Shortly thereafter, the young couple had their wedding, and left town to go on their honeymoon. They were gone for quite a while, and everyone thought they were having a great time, visiting all sorts of exotic places.

Finally, after more than a month, the young couple came back to the village. Or, at least he did. But, it appeared that he had another woman with him. The father of the girl was outraged with this, and went to ask the young man what he had done with his daughter. He responded by saying, "Here she is. This beautiful woman beside me is your daughter." The father was astonished, because he had never seen his daughter looking so good.

That young man had seen the potential to be a princess in that rather plain looking young girl. By paying ten cows for her, he had demonstrated to her that he thought she was valuable. By his constant love towards her, he brought out the best in her, transforming her into the beautiful princess that he had seen within. The price he had paid was cheap; he ended up with the most beautiful girl in the village.

Each and every one of us men married our wives, because we saw the beauty that was within them. Actually, many times, we never got a chance to see the beauty within, because we were too busy looking at the beauty on the outside. Still, something about them caught our eye, and said, "This one is the one to spend your life with."

If that's the case, what happened? Where did the beautiful princess we married go? How did we end up with this "old woman" that we're stuck with? Where did the love and passion go? What happened?

God has made women to be responders. Their nature is to respond in kind to the treatment they receive. If they receive love and affirmation, they will respond with love and passion, just like the young woman in that story. However, if they receive anger and aren't appreciated, they will respond with bitterness and coldness. This is especially true, because their dream of a White Knight as been shattered.

The only way that our wives are going to become the princesses and queens we want them to be is to become the White Knights that they want us to be. Since God created them to respond to us, when we become what they dream about us being, their nature will cause them to become what we want them to be.

As men, we are called, more than anything, to love our wives. Paul, operating under the leading of the Holy Spirit, wrote about this is his letter to the Ephesians, saying: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Eph 5:25). This isn't a suggestion from Paul, it's a command from God. We, as men, are blessed by God to have received a wife, as a gift from Him. Since He gave her to us, He also instructed and commanded us in how He expects us to treat that gift. How? With love!

Let's get a little more specific. In the Greek language, there are five different words for love. One refers to sexual love (eros), another to a brotherly love (fileo), etc. The word used in this verse for love is agape. This word, agape, refers to the type of love which God has for us. It is a totally unconditional, unselfish, giving love, that doesn't depend at all on the other person, but desires to be a total blessing to that other person. That's the type of love which caused Jesus Christ to go to the cross for us, and that's the type of love which God expects us to show and have towards our wives.

This is the same type of love that is talked about in First Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 4 to 8. It says there: "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, ⁵ Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; ⁶ Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; ⁷ Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth…"

It doesn't say anything in all those verses about sex. Nor does it say anything there about expecting our wives to cook for us. It doesn't even get into her taking care of the kids. All it talks about is what love causes us to do for our wives, if we are truly in obedience to God, and loving our wives.

If you really want a test that you can use to grade yourself on your ability as a husband, you can find it right there. Just see how well you are living up to that definition of love.

Let's be honest with ourselves for a minute. We haven't been living that kind of love up to now. In fact, if we're really honest with ourselves, we haven't done very much that even comes close to showing that kind of love. But, there is hope! It's not too late! We can still love our wives, as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for her.

Take another look at that last part, "gave himself for her." Many times, we as men, are expecting our wives to give to us, instead of giving to them. All too often, we have become takers, instead of givers. But, Jesus didn't come to earth as a taker, but as a giver. He has given us everything, and has commanded us to follow in His footsteps; becoming givers as well. It is only when we start to give of ourselves, not just giving gifts, that we truly start to love.

Biblically, being a husband isn't about being a provider. It isn't really so much about being the head of a house. It isn't even about having children. According to the Bible, specifically in this verse, being a husband is demonstrating Christ's love to our wives, so that they can know what it is, and so that the world can see the love that Christ has for us displayed in a manner that they can understand. When we learn how to love like that, we will fulfill all that being a husband is supposed to be.

Okay, now let's look at what they need from us. You can think of this as a formula for success in your marriage. Complete these five things, and you will receive everything you want from her. Don't complete them, and well…

Remember, these are NEEDS, not just desires. While they may not look very important to us, to our wives, they are of paramount importance. These are the things that she needs in order to be emotionally satisfied and healthy. Once again, I've listed them in order of priority.

1. Affection (romance)

When a man thinks of affection, he thinks of sex. But, when a woman thinks of affection, she thinks of romance. More than anything, romance will capture a woman's heart, and keep it held captive.

Okay, so what is this romance? No, it's not sex! Many people try and equate the two, but they really aren't even close to being the same thing. Romance is what prepares a woman's heart for sex. It is the things that we do to show our wives, "You are important to me." It is the way we let our wives know that they are special and precious, not just in God's sight, but in ours.

Peter wrote "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered" (1 Pet 3:7). The only problem with that is that women are not weak. Oh, yeah, they don't have the physical strength of men, but that doesn't make them weak. It just means that they have a different type of strength. Personally, I prefer the translations that say "precious vessel" instead of "weaker vessel."

A precious vessel is something valuable; something that you treat well, because it is irreplaceable. Something that means something to you, so you don't want any harm to come to it. My mother used to collect antique glass. She still has a number of pieces, some of which are quite valuable. One in particular I've always liked is a small vase, about eight inches tall. It is made of different layers of glass, in different colors. The glass is cut, in a cameo style to form a picture of a deer in the woods. That little vase is worth $1,200.00!

To me, that vase demonstrates the idea of a precious vessel. It is something that is so valuable and precious that we take great care with it; treating it with great tenderness and caution, never allowing any harm to come to it. It's the opposite end of the spectrum of a disposable cup.

God wants us, as men, to treat our wives with the same care that we would that precious vessel. She is a gift from God, and as such, deserves to be treated well. "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD" (Prov 18:22). Not treating your wife well is the same as saying to God, "The favor you have given me in this gift isn't worth anything!" What an insult to God!

Romantic acts don't have to be big, in fact they are often small things. Basically, they fall into these categories:

Words - It is important to remind your wife that you love her. Just as men need admiration to feel secure, women need to know that they are loved. Tell her you love her, and do it often. But, don't just do it with the words of your mouth, do it with written words as well. Notes, cards, and love letter are all ways that you can be romantic with words. It doesn't have to be elegant, it just has to come from the heart.

Use "sweet sayings" to talk to your wife. Okay, okay, I know it might sound corny to you, but it doesn't to her. That's the type of talk she's been raised by society to expect from you, and when you forget it, she feels like she's been cheated.

It's okay to plagiarize when you're trying to express your love to your wife. You don't have to use your own words. The Song of Solomon has lots of great phrases you can use to express love to your wife. Or, if you want to do something simple, just write "I love you." That's the message you're trying to give her.

Remember, words have power. King Solomon reminds us that "death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Prov 18:21). So, be sure to use words that are positive and give life.

In Mexico, many men use the name "gordita" for their wives, supposedly as a name of affection. In actuality, calling your wife "gordita" is a great insult. No woman wants to be fat! Not only that, but by calling her "gordita" you are planting a spiritual seed, which comes to fruit in making your wife fatter. Seek out a better name for your wife, one that is positive, and expresses your love to her.

Acts of Service - Women spend a lot of their time and energy serving their families. They work hard, and it is very rare that anyone shows their appreciation for all that work. Maybe even more so because of this, they need someone to serve them at times, just to show them that they are valued.

Anything that takes some of the burden off of your wife is a romantic act of service. Something as simple as taking the children to the park, so that she can have some peace and quiet, can have great results. Or, doing some chore around the house, which either she would have to do, or maybe doesn't have the ability to do.

Women identify with their homes. When the home is a mess, or something is broken, they feel like they themselves are a mess, or broken. Even things that seem insignificant to us as men can greatly affect the emotional state of our wives. To treat her as teat "precious vessel" it is important that we learn how to see things through their eyes, and take care of those things which might otherwise make them feel bad.

Special Days - One of the worst romantic blunders you can make is to forget about a special date, such as her birthday, or even worse, your anniversary. But, one of the best things you can do is make a special day even more special. How? By creating your own memories and traditions that go with that day.

Each holiday, birthday, or anniversary holds the opportunity to create a special family tradition that draws you closer. Especially, if it is a day that you celebrated by doing something special when you were dating, or on your honeymoon. Each and every year you can bring back those good memories by creating a tradition that's connected to the first time you celebrated it together.

Even better yet, why not create your own special holiday? Something that's special to the two of you, but doesn't mean anything to anyone else. You can have an "us day" once a year, or even once a month, when you do something special to celebrate your marriage.

Special Times - Not only are special days romantic, but we can create special times that are as well. The epitome of special times is a second honeymoon. Okay, maybe that's a little too rich for your blood, but you can still create a special time to share with your spouse.

Any time that you can create that is for just the two of you can be a special time. When my wife and I were traveling full time in our motorhome, we'd go walk around in Wal-Mart, without the kids. That doesn't seem much like a special time, but it did give us the time to be alone, something that was really lacking in the motorhome.

Another great way to have a special time is walking together in the evening. Not only that, but it doesn't cost a thing. Go out and walk hand-in-hand like a couple of young lovers. Stop every once in a while to look in each other's eyes and say, "I love you." Follow it with a kiss. You'd be surprised how special 30 minutes walking together can become.

Or, how about something a little bit bigger, go on a picnic. Pick up your favorite meal at a restaurant, and go to a park or plaza to eat it together. You can combine this with what I say about having date nights farther down.

Gifts - Everyone enjoys receiving gifts, but not all gifts are romantic. In fact, not all gifts are really gifts. To be a true gift to someone means that it is for their benefit, not for your own. For example, giving your wife a stove, while it may be something that is needed, really isn't much of a gift. Why? Because the reason you're giving it to her is so that she can cook for you.

For a gift to be romantic, it more or less has to be something that isn't useful for anything. Romantic gifts are almost always frivolous. Things that nobody would buy if it wasn't for needing to find an expression of love.

Flowers are the classic romantic gift. All women love flowers, even more so when there is no reason to expect them. What I mean by that is giving flowers for Mother's Day isn't romantic, it's expected. But, giving your wife flowers on a day that you just happen to pick out of the blue is. Why? Because she wasn't expecting them.

Decorative items are romantic gifts, and they don't necessarily have to be expensive. Some little trinket that your wife can put on her dresser, hang on the wall, or display elsewhere in the house is romantic. These always make the house look better, and that makes her feel better.

If you really want to give her a romantic gift, give her some fancy lace underwear. Women always feel more feminine with lace on, and there are side benefits, she looks great when she's taking off her other clothes!

An important element in romance is surprise. Buying your wife flowers on payday is romantic. But, if you make it a habit to buy her flowers every payday, it quickly loses its romance. Instead of being a nice surprise, it becomes something expected. To keep it romantic, vary what you are doing. One week buy her flowers, the next week, take her out to eat, the next, give her some time off from the kids. Be creative with your romantic acts, it can be fun.

Don't listen to her objections when you do something romantic for her. Many times, that's her way of testing to see if you really love her. It doesn't mean that she's rejecting what you're doing, it only means that she's insecure, and wants you to tell her you love her again.

2. Conversation

Have you ever noticed how much women talk? The average woman talks three times as much as her husband; using three times as many words in the typical day. That's a lot of talking!

Of the 10,000 words per day that the average man speaks, he uses 9,950 of them at work. That means he only has 50 words to use with his family. On the other hand, his wife, who has been at home with the children all day, has only used 2,000 of her 30,000 words for that day. She has 28,000 words saved up to talk to her husband.

It is necessary that as husbands we give our wives time to use up all those words. Otherwise, they build up in her heart, until she is ready to explode. It is especially necessary that we allow our wives to pour out, in words, all of her frustrations for the day. Now, I know that the last thing a man wants to hear when he walks in the door is about all the problems his wife has had that day. But men, we need to give her that opportunity.

As men, we think that when our wives complain about all the little problems of the day, we need to fix those problems in one way or another. But, our wives really aren't expecting us to fix them, they just need a chance to talk about them. For a woman, telling her husband about all her problems is therapeutic. It gives her the opportunity to get them off her chest, and empty her heart out of all the poisons those problems causes.

How do you give her that opportunity? By encouraging her to talk. Listen to her, and say, "Oh yeah, that's what happened. Then what? Really? She said what? You're kidding." Each of those short phrases gives her the opportunity to say more, and makes you part of the conversation.

But, don't receive in your heart what she's unloading from hers. Just be the sounding board for her to talk to. It isn't going to help anything if she's nice and relaxed after talking about her day, and you're full of stress from listening to her. You have to learn to discern which things are important, and require your attention, and which ones you can let go in one ear, and out the other.

Sometimes, especially when the woman is sad, or upset, she won't want to talk. That doesn't mean that she doesn't need to talk, just that she doesn't want to. In fact, if you don't force her to talk in those times, pulling the problems out of her, it just causes more problems.

Many people say that women are better communicators than men. But, that's when they are talking with other women. Women actually have as much trouble talking to men as men have in talking to women. But, that's not the point, the point is that women have a great need for conversation. That's why they talk so much.

When Paul was writing to the church in Ephesus, he gave them some commandments for their marriages. Amongst these commandments, Paul wrote: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; ²⁶ That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word" (Eph 5:25-26). There is an interesting parallel shown in these two verses, that of comparing Christ's love for the church to the love a husband should have for his wife.

But, there's another parallel I want to show you in these two verses. That is, the process of sanctifying. Literally, the word "sanctify" means "to separate unto one's self." Jesus sanctifies us to Himself through washing us with the Word (of God). Likewise, husbands can sanctify their wives to themselves by washing them with their own words. The words we use as men will either draw our wives closer to us, or send them away from us.

Therefore, it is important that we put a guard over our own mouths, to insure that the words which we speak to our wives are words that will edify, not words that will destroy. We need to learn how to speak sweetly to her, because those type of words will touch her heart, and be kept there.

Part of the problem is that before we get married, we talk a lot. But, after the wedding, the man feels like there's no reason to keep talking about the same things over and over again. On the other hand, the woman will keep talking about them.

The other part of that is that before the wedding, we talk about our dreams, and after the wedding, we talk about reality. It's always more fun to talk about dreams, than it is to talk about the problems of everyday life.

There's a big difference in the type of communication that is happening before marriage, and the type of communication that's happening after the wedding. You see, when we talk about our dreams, we talk about what's in our heart. But, when we talk about problems, we talk about what's in our head. The type of conversation women want is conversation from the heart. This is the type of conversation which brings two people closer together, not talking about problems.

Why do men have so much problem talking from the heart? Basically, it's a defense mechanism. God has given men the violent, aggressive nature for the purpose of defending their families (not to beat on them). Anyone who has ever fought knows that the one thing you don't want to do is let your enemy know your weakness'.

What typically happens in a marriage is that the man has his heart wide open to his wife, or more probably has it open to his girlfriend, before the marriage. Then, one day, they have a fight. She says something like, "You said that exact same thing at my mother's house nine months ago, when we were sitting there at the dining room table. You were wearing your yellow shirt, and blue jeans. I didn't like what you said then, and I don't like it now."

Although the man doesn't remember the initial conversation his wife is referring to, he does learn one important lesson from this encounter. That is, it's dangerous to let my wife know of my weaknesses' because she'll use them against me. From then on, his heart is closed as tight as a bank vault, and his wife doesn't understand why he never talks to her.

Forgiveness is a very important part of any marriage relationship. It is impossible to live in close proximity with other people for any length of time without hurting one another in some way. But, God has given us the mechanism of forgiveness as a means of healing those hurts.

It isn't enough just to forgive, though. We also need to start communicating from the heart as well. How do you do this? Glad you asked. Let me show you.

First of all, you can't have a good heart to heart talk while you're surrounded by kids, in-laws, and out-laws. You need to get away from them all, and go someplace where it is just the two of you. We recommend that you take one night a week, or if you can't every week, then one night every two weeks, and go on a date together. That's right, married couples can date each other. It isn't just something for unmarried people.

Go out to a restaurant together. It doesn't have to be anything expensive, just someplace where you can sit down together and talk. It works just as good to go to McDonalds, as it does to go to some fancy French restaurant. Order one hamburger, and one drink. When it comes, share it with each other, feeding it to each other, just like you did when you were dating. If you're still hungry after that, you can order another. But, only order one at a time.

While you are eating, talk. About what? About dreams. Gee, I don't think I can remember any of that stuff. Well, use this list as some ideas of dreams you can talk about:

• If we had $1,000,000.00 what would we do with it?

• If we had the power to change one bad thing in the world, what would it be?

• If we could go on vacation anywhere in the world, to do anything we wanted to, where would we go? What would we do?

• If we only had thirty days to live, what would be the most important things to do in that time?

• If we could build a house however we wanted, what would we want in our house?

• If we could do one thing for the Lord, what would it be?

I think you get the idea by now. The great thing about talking about dreams, like this, is that there's no right answer, or wrong answer, there's just answers. But, those answers tell you what's going on in the heart of the other person. You can learn more about someone in thirty minutes of talking about dreams than you can in ten years of talking about the realities of life.

Another thing that will help is to encourage your wife to form friendships with other women that she can talk to. While this isn't a substitute for talking to you, it will use up some of her words. That way, she won't have to give you all 28,000 of them, maybe only 12,000.

3. Ability to Trust Her Husband

Trust is a very precious commodity; one that is hard to earn, and easy to lose. Within the marriage relationship, trust is essential to be able to survive. In the sexual relationship, a woman needs to be able to give herself to her husband. That is impossible if she is unable to trust him.

Unfortunately, the way trust works, if you lose your trust for a person in one area of life, you lose your trust for them in all areas of life. This is what's happened to all of, at one time, or another. We've shown our wives that we aren't perfect, and that they can't trust us. Therefore, when it comes time to make love, she has trouble trusting you, and giving herself to you.

Nobody is perfect, except Christ alone. Well, okay, I know one brother who is perfect. That's his name, Brother Perfect, so I guess I can say he's perfect. But, the rest of us have a long way to go to become perfect.

In my own life, I showed my wife my imperfection in the area of finances. Back when we were first married, I had my own business. Like many with their own business, I suffered financially, especially in trying to balance the income we received between the needs of the family and the needs of the business. Many times, I didn't have the money to pay the bills when they arrived, but had to wait for the money to come in.

Since my wife was at home, she would get the mail when it came, and see the bills. We had a particular place where she would put the bills, so that I could take care of them. But, because I didn't always have the money, I didn't always take care of them right away. Many times, the bills just sat there, waiting.

To me, that wasn't a problem, I knew what the bills said, without even opening them. I knew what I needed to pay, and when it had to be paid. But, in the mind of my wife, that mountain of bills followed her around all day long. It was constantly before her eyes, screaming at her.

As men, we have the ability to set a problem aside, mentally putting it on a shelf, until we can do something about it. This keeps us from being distracted by that problem, and allows us to focus on what we can do something about.

Unfortunately, women don't have this same ability. Compared to men, women are world-class champion worriers. They can worry about anything. They can even worry about several things at once. Because they don't have that ability to set things aside like men do, the things that they are worried about can become the major influence in their lives.

That's what happened to my wife. She saw those bills sitting there, and that I wasn't doing anything with them, and worried about them. In her mind, I had proved to her that she couldn't trust me in the area of our finances. (To be honest, I wasn't the best administrator of our finances, so she did have some reason). Since she couldn't trust me in our finances, she couldn't trust me in any area of our marriage, especially in the sexual relationship. This caused major problems for our marriage.

None of us are ever going to be such good husbands that we don't give our wives reason to not trust us. We need to understand that this is a part of life which we constantly must strive to overcome. Fortunately, God has given us a mechanism that we can use to overcome this problem, that mechanism is forgiveness.

The most important words in any marriage are:

• Please forgive me.

• It was my fault.

• I forgive you.

• I love you.

Take time to study those four phrases, they're marriage savers. It is amazing how much trouble we, as men, have in saying those words. For some reason, we never want to accept that something is our fault, and even worse, admit to our wives that it is our fault. But, it takes more of a man to admit his faults than to be one who won't.

Another great piece of advice that Paul wrote to the Ephesians applies to the marriage relationship as well. It says, "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath" (Eph 4:26). We can say that we never do this, and never allow our wives to do this, but are we telling the truth? What is "wrath" after all? It's not just a great amount of anger. Wrath can be a little irritation. After all, the only difference between a little irritation, and a great anger, is its size; they're both the same emotion.

We need to create a daily habit in our marriages of forgiveness. As men, the leaders and priests of our homes, we must take the lead on this too, and go to our wives, asking them to forgive us, in case we inadvertently did something during the day to hurt them.

You would be amazed how big a change can happen in a marriage just for forgiving each other. By forgiving, we cleanse the heart, and become open to trusting the other person again. It's a way of renewing and restoring a relationship in love.

The fourth phrase I wrote up there is very important as well, "I love you." Women are insecure in the understanding that their husbands love them. Especially since we, as men, do many things throughout the day that can be interpreted as lack of love for our wives. Our wives need us to constantly remind them of our love, at least ten times a day. It isn't enough that you said it 20 years ago on your wedding day, you need to say it today, and every day.

4. Financial Support

In the traditional family structure, the man works to make money, while the woman stays at home, taking care of her family. God seems to have pre-disposed both men and women to these roles, giving them the abilities necessary to complete them.

But, if the woman is staying at home, while her husband is out working, that means that she is totally dependent upon him to supply for the needs of the family. If the man is responsible, and a good worker, there's no problem. But, in the cases of irresponsible men, this can cause a great deal of anguish and hardship for the family. A women needs to have the security that her husband is going to provide for her, and do so well.

As men, we are just about as comfortable living in a campground as we are living in a palace. Our surroundings aren't really as important to us as they are to our wives. As song as we have a comfortable chair to sit in, a television to watch, good food to eat, and a comfortable bed to sleep in, we're fine. It doesn't matter what the surroundings look like.

But, women aren't at all the same in this area. Since a woman is relationally oriented, and much of those relationships happen in the home, she is affected greatly by the quality, cleanliness, size, comfort, security, and aesthetics of her home. When her home is out of order, she feels like her life is out of order. When her home is in disrepair, she feels like she herself is in disrepair. When her home is ugly, she feels as if she is ugly.

Take for example, the bathroom. A man couldn't care less about how a bathroom looks. All it is to him is a place you go when you need to use it. Therefore, to the man, it doesn't matter how it looks. But, for a woman, an ugly bathroom affects her a lot. Since women are more conscious of their appearance and beauty, they spend more time in the bathroom. It's very hard for a woman to see herself as beautiful when she's looking in the mirror of an ugly bathroom; her surroundings reflect on her.

When God called my wife and I into the ministry, we started praying for Him to give us a motorhome to travel in. I didn't want to leave my family behind, and travel without them, because I didn't think that this would be God's best for us.

God provided the motorhome for us, but there was a catch. Once we started traveling in it, God told us to give up the house we had, and live full-time in the motorhome, traveling and ministering.

For me, as a man, this wasn't that hard to do. I still had my comfortable chair, good food and a comfortable bed to sleep in. It didn't matter much to me that the house would be small, and we would be constantly moving from place to place. However, it was a major change for my wife. When I told her that this was what God wanted us to do, she didn't want to accept it. Although she finally did, it wasn't easy for her. Moving out of the house, selling all our furniture, and moving into the motorhome just about put her into a state of emotional breakdown.

Even worse than that, we were leaving our home, which meant leaving the security of the home, and going to live on the road, without any guaranteed income, or even a preaching schedule arranged. It was a great step of faith, and probably a greater one for my wife, than for me.

Remember what I said about women worrying. Having a home is security for a woman. When something happens to take her home away from her, or even threaten to take it away from her, she loses that security. Not paying the bills on time threatens that security, and causes our wives to worry.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that a woman needs a mansion to feel comfortable. Obviously, most of us couldn't afford to build a mansion for our wives no matter what we do. What I'm saying is that we need to be responsible with our finances to insure that what we do have is the best we can manage. Then, we need to take care of it, so that it will stay nice.

As I already said, it's also important to a woman that her home look nice. It doesn't necessarily cost a lot to make a home look nice. It's amazing what you can do with just a little bit of paint and some imagination. I've seen homes made of wood pallets that looked good because they were well painted. I'm sure that those women felt better about their homes than their neighbors did.

It's not just the home that needs to be provided for, but everything else that goes along with the home and family. Women like new clothes. It helps them emotionally, making them feel renewed, to be able to buy a new dress from time to time. This same attitude is reflected to a lesser degree on her children. She not only wants nice clothes for herself, but for her children as well. Again, this doesn't necessarily have to be expensive. "Nice" and "expensive" aren't synonyms.

5. Family Commitment

Since a woman is relationally oriented, anything that affects her relationships, affects her. Likewise, anything that affects those with whom she has relationships, affects her. The closer the person is to her, the more it affects her.

If you ask most women to write a list of the priorities in their lives, one of the top items is always her children. God has made women to nurture the growth of their children. That word "nurture" is a strange one to men, but it means, "to care for, look after, raise, rear, and foster the growth of." It is such a part of the woman's makeup that she does it without even thinking about it.

When a man is not committed to his family, it causes a great deal of emotional turmoil for his wife. She needs the security of knowing that he is there for her and the children. She needs to know that he is as committed to them as she is.

Many men think that child raising is the woman's responsibility, and he doesn't have to do anything. This is about as far from the truth as you can get. There are things a child can learn from his mother. But, there are other things that he can only learn from a good father.

Being a father takes time, energy, wisdom, and commitment. It isn't a part-time job, but one that takes everything that is within us. It is not a work for a coward to undertake, but for one who is strong in the Lord. Truly, without His help, none of us can accomplish this greatest of tasks. Not only that, but it isn't a task that can be undertaken by a woman alone. To succeed, the woman needs the help of her mate.

In the Jewish culture, it is the responsibility of the man to teach his family the Word of God. He would go to the synagogue to discuss the scriptures with the other men, and especially to hear what those learned in scripture had to say. Then, he would return home to teach his family. It wasn't the pastor's (rabbi's) responsibility to teach the family, but the father, as priest of the home.

But today, in many homes, the man is unable to teach the Bible to his family. In fact, in many cases, his wife is able to teach him. The problem with this is that it destroys the authority structure that God has placed in the home. A key element of correct authority is to know more than those that are under one's authority. That way, they look up to the person of authority with respect, and want to hear what he has to say.

When a man doesn't know enough of the Word of God to appear as an authority to his family, many times he substitutes fear for knowledge. He says to himself, "If they don't respect me for my knowledge, they'll obey me for fear of my strength." While this does bring obedience, it doesn't nurture love. In fact, it does the opposite, it causes his family to hate him.

When a man takes his proper place in the home, it removes a lot of stress from his wife. She doesn't have to feel responsible for everything, because she knows that her husband is committed to doing what is best for the family. Even if he does the wrong thing, he'll try and make it right.

Women aren't created by God to carry a lot of stress. In fact, there is quite a bit of medical information that indicates a lot of a woman's health problems can be directly linked to stress. By taking the responsibility that is rightly his, a man also helps keep his wife healthy.

On the other hand, men need some stress to function. A man without any stress will sit on the sofa, changing channels, hollering for his wife to bring him another beer. But, a little stress will push him to accomplish great things. He rises to the challenge, committing himself to win the game of life.

Well, there you have it. A road map for happiness in your marriage. Just complete those five things, and your wife will not only be happy, but give you everything you want. Remember, God created women to respond to men. Therefore, it's our job to take the first step. Don't wait for her to do it.

I don't recommend trying to implement all of these suggestions in one week. It will take time for you to learn new habits, and develop new ways of treating your wife. Don't expect yourself to do miracles, but do expect the Lord to help you.

Being a good husband is work, there's no two ways about it. But, it's an investment of time and energy that pays wonderful dividends. Don't worry about how your wife will react. I can pretty much guarantee you that at first, she'll react with suspicion. But, once she sees you continuing with a new behavior pattern, she'll become comfortable, and start to enjoy it. It will take some time before she really responds back.

Many say that marriage is a "give and take" relationship. I don't agree with that. "Give and take" carries the connotation that some of the time we are giving, while other times we are trying to take something from our spouse that she may not want to give. I see marriage as a "give and receive" relationship. We don't have the right to take anything from our wives, but as we give to them, they will desire to respond, and give back. That's the part where we start receiving. The more we give, the more we can receive.

You know what? This type of life can be very enjoyable. It can make a marriage into heaven on earth. It can bring us to such a close relationship with our wives, that we aren't lacking for anything we want. It can become a great blessing.

Start today. Make your marriage into everything it can be. Become your wife's White Knight.