Marriage Teaching of the Month

A Question of Honor
June 1999
by Rich Murphy

Somehow, we have managed to lose track of the place of honor in our marriage relationships. Actually, we've lost track of it in much more than just our marriages, we've lost track of it in all areas of our society. Our society has become so intent on "looking out for number one" that we've forgotten that other people are worthy of honor.
To honor someone means to hold them in high regard, and treat them that way. Yet, when you hear people talk about their spouses, it sounds more like they hate each other, than love each other. There's no honor in their hearts, so there's no honor in their speech.
When we don't honor the other person, we are in essence saying that they have no value to us. Think about that for a moment. When someone gives you something valuable, you take special care of it, so that it can't become damaged. That's showing honor to that item. Are you taking special care of your spouse, so that they can't become damaged either?
Don't think about whether or not your spouse honors you, that's not the issue, do you honor them? Actually, if your first thought is about whether or not they honor you, you've managed to prove my point. Obviously you aren't concerned with honoring them. You are only concerned with yourself, and whether or nor you are being honored.
Paul writes: "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband" (1 Cor 7:3). In this sentence, the word "benevolence" means "to be well disposed, of a peaceable spirit." In other words, treat your husband or wife with honor, holding them in high regard, so that they may not become harmed in any way.

God has directed women to honor their husbands as the head of the house, and the priest of the home.

For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands ⁶ Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1 Pet 3:5-6

In this day and age, women look at submission to their husbands as a curse, but God intended it as a blessing. It is only by being in submission that a woman is under her husband's spiritual covering and protection. When women submit to their husbands then they have the burden of responsibility removed from them. Because then the responsibility rests upon their husbands, where it belongs.
But look, Peter goes even farther than that, he didn't just say submit, he said to hold him in honor "Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord." Now, I'm not suggesting that you have to call your husband lord, but look at the way she honored him. She called him lord not out of fear, or requirement, but out of honor.
What ways can you honor your husband? When you are with other women, do you speak of him as "that bum I'm married to," or do you speak with honor? When he comes in the house, do you complain about things, or greet him with love? When something needs to be done, do you nag him, or have you found a way of reminding him that shows honor to him?
A woman can make or break her husband by the way she treats him. If she holds him up, she can make him greater than he is on his own. An average man, held up by a loving wife can become a great man. However, if she tears him down, she can destroy anything that God has put in him. He may have the ability to be the next Paul, but she can turn him into the next Judas Iscariot. Women, your role, in submission to your husband is much greater than you think.

God has directed men are to honor their wives as a necessary part of our walk with Him.

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1 Peter 3:7

I don't know about you, but I don't want my prayers to be hindered. God has given us our wives as a completer, to compliment our weak areas with their strengths. I need the strengths my wife has, just as she needs the strengths I have. When we work together, instead of against each other, then we are put in the position of accomplishing the most possible for God.
I was recently in a gathering of men who had come together to pray. Before that, we had dinner together. During the dinner conversation, those men were speaking poorly of their wives, as men in a group like that will. When they asked me to share about our ministry, I had the opening to tell them how they were dishonoring their wives. Of course, they said that it was all in jest, and they had wonderful marriages, but their joking had given them away. Speaking like that shows dishonor to their wives, whether in their presence, or away from it. Then those men wanted to pray.
When we honor our wives, it puts them in a position where we can come together in agreement. That's why it is so important to our prayers. The most powerful force on the face of the earth is a married couple praying in agreement. If I don't honor my wife, we won't have agreement. But, when I hold her in high regard, then she feels cherished and valued and is able to agree with me in prayer.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22

Remember men, that woman you married is a gift from the Lord. We need to treat her with the same reverence, and care we would any other gift that the Lord has given us.

We are valuable to each other, and should treat each other with the value that God has placed upon our relationship. When we do, we can become more powerful for Him. But, when we don't we allow the enemy to come in, cause strife, and destroy what God has planted.
Strife in a marriage is one of the greatest ways that Satan binds the power of the Body of Christ. If a married couple praying in agreement is powerful for the Lord, then a married couple without agreement is almost useless. I don't know about you, but I want to accomplish everything for the Lord that I can. So, I must be in that place of agreement with my spouse.