Marriage Teaching - November 98

My Wife and the House are One
November 1998
by Rich Murphy

Charlie was a “good ol’ boy.” He liked to hunt, and fish, and go bowling with the guys. Like the rest of us, he tended to be a little slow when it came to getting things fixed around the house. It just wasn’t a priority with him.
Everyone thought his wife Claudia was a doll. With her flaming red hair, she’s been the homecoming queen in school. It seemed that she had a flaming red temper to match her hair, at least that’s the way Charlie told it. He told all the guys how was always nagging him about some little thing she wanted done around the house.
He couldn’t understand why those things were so important to her. After all, what did it hurt, having cinder blocks for the back steps? Nobody ever went out there except the kids, and they didn’t have any problem with them. And, so what if the attic window was broken. It was summer anyway, and the hole let some of the heat out.
There were all sorts of things like that she wanted him to fix. And you know what? She acted like he didn’t love her, just because he didn’t fix something that wasn’t important anyway, as if he were ignoring her, instead of the house.

What Charlie didn’t know, or understand, was how those things affected his wife. Just because they weren’t important to him, doesn’t mean they weren’t important to her.
A man draws his identity from what he does. If he is successful with his work, he will carry that over into all areas of his life. When people ask him who he is, his answer will be about what he does. Because, to a man, what he does is who he is.
Part of the reason men do this is because we are “goal oriented.” Everything in the way we are “wired” is toward accomplishing a goal. Work is goal oriented, so it fits with our thought process. At work, we accomplish a series of goals, and how well we accomplish them directly affects our position and pay.
Women, on the other hand, are “relationally oriented.” Since the home is a “relational” setting, anything that goes on with it affects their relationships, and their well-being. Instead of drawing her identity from her job, a woman will draw it from her home. That is why so many women spend a lot of time decorating the home to show “their personality.”
When there are things that need to be fixed around the house, a woman won’t feel like it’s the house that needs repairs, she’ll feel like she’s the one who needs repairs. If the house needs paint, or the pictures aren’t hung on the wall, she’ll feel like she’s undressed. Quite literally, whatever is wrong with the house will make her feel like that thing is wrong with her.
When a man ignores, or forgets to fix those things around the house, his wife will interpret it as he doesn’t care about her. She will have a hard time responding to him, even if she wants to. The same thing happens when the house is a mess, especially the bedroom.
By taking the time and effort to make sure the house is taken care of, we will reap a reward in our wives emotional state. And everyone knows that "when momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1 Peter 3:7