Marriage Teaching of the Month

Appreciation
February 2001
by Rich Murphy

Lack of appreciation in our relationships is a great problem. We live in a very self centered society that says "the world owes me." All the things that we do every day as part of functioning in this world are very easy to overlook. That goes for both the husband and the wife.
One of the most important elements of romance (if not the most important) is to show the other person that they are important to you. How we do this is the imaginative part. So often, overlooking the opportunity to say "thank you" to a spouse can cause pain that we never intended, or even foresaw.
This problem is actually much deeper than marriage, it's in our society. I'd have to say that the only part of our society that is good at recognizing accomplishment is the military (yes, there are a few businesses that do that well too, but they are in the minority).
After all the ministry to couples we've done, we have to remind ourselves from time to time that we need to be appreciative of each other, and the contributions that we each make to the relationship. It seems that we can get so busy that we forget about those two important words to show the other person that we appreciate what they've done for us.
Saying "it's their responsibility to do this in our family" is a cop out. So is "they never say thanks to me." Marriage isn't supposed to be about what the other person is or isn't doing, it's supposed to be about how we are expressing our love to our mate.
When was the last time you said "thank you" to your spouse? If you can't remember, then it's obviously been too long. Today's a good day to start.

Just saying thank you isn't enough though. We need to be encouraging each other each and every day in each and every way. We especially need to encourage each other in those areas that we are hoping and praying for change in the life of our partner.
It's too easy to complain about each other instead of compliment and encourage each other. That's in part because we live in a very negative world. We've picked up their bad habits. But our God is a God that encourages us. Even when he has something bad to say to us, or some correction to give to us, He always encourages us as well.
A few "atta boy's" (or atta girl's) will go a long way in building up your mate, and helping them become everything that God wants them to be.