Marriage Teaching - God's Purpose for Sexual Intimacy

GOD'S PURPOSE FOR SEXUAL INTIMACY
by Rich & Deborah Murphy

The key to understanding the deeper purpose in sexual intimacy lies in the term "one flesh." Let's take a look at the verse where this appears. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:42) Notice that the man is to "cleave unto his wife." How does one "cleave unto" something? The Hebrew word that is translated here as "cleave" can also mean "to be joined or glued together."
Herein lies the key to the sexual relationship. If we take "cleave unto" and "one flesh" and put them together we have a picture of what happens during sex. Literally, the sexual union is the part of marriage that glues us together as one.
Sex has been designed by God to bring oneness in our lives. The pleasure is a side issue. Even children can be considered in some way as a side issue. God designed it to bring us to a point of becoming one; being in unity and being in agreement.
Actually, the sexual union is the part that makes it a marriage, not the ceremony in the church. We even call a newlywed's first sexual act on their wedding night "consummating the marriage." The word "consummate" means to "finalize" or "make complete" as in finalizing a contract. They aren't really married until that point, all they've done is have a wedding ceremony.
Even a sexual relationship with someone whom we do not want to be "joined together" with will still produce a marriage. Paul said: "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh." (1 Corinthians 6:16) Since becoming one flesh is the definition of marriage, we could paraphrase this scripture to say "he who goes to bed with a harlot has become married to her."

Sexual intercourse is a covenant activity. Remember the covenant ceremony in the first chapter? In it, the two parties entering into covenant cut themselves and mingled their blood. When a woman loses her virginity she bleeds. This blood goes onto the man's penis. The man is in her blood, with her flesh on either side of him, just as the parties entering into covenant.
Each time that couple comes together again in sex, they are reenacting their covenant. It should stand as a constant reminder to them of the terms of that covenant, just as partaking of communion stands as a reminder of our covenant with Jesus.

INTIMACY
In the old testament, there are two very different terms used for the sexual union. One of them translates as "he knew his wife," the other as "he went into her." These two phrases define the two possible ways of approaching sex. The second one of these is what the world is involved in, dealing with sex just from the physical level. This is a shallow self serving relationship, not bothering to know the other person.
On the other hand, to "know" someone implies spending time with them. It means to have detailed intimate knowledge of them. You can't do that quickly, but only through long conversation, and shared experiences.
"Going into" someone is just having sex with them. That's what happens with a prostitute, or when a man picks up a woman in a bar. God never intended for a man to just "go into" a woman. God's plan is for men to "know" their wives. To have an intimate sexual relationship with them.
Marriages are built upon the foundation of our shared experiences. If a couple is always doing things separately, they don't have any foundation for intimacy. You know what I mean, he's got his bowling night, and she's going to crafts class. Yes, it's okay to have a few separate interests, but the majority of our interests have to be shared. What's more important, your hobby, or your marriage? If that hobby or activity takes too much time away from your spouse, maybe you need to give it up.
In our busy society, it is becoming more and more common to find couples that never talk to each other. The only important thing they do together is go to church. All the rest of the week, they don't see each other. I've seen couples where their busyness has gone to the point where they are working different schedules, so they can't even sleep together. We all need to adjust our priorities, and make a commitment to make, and devote, the time necessary to build a healthy marriage.

SEX ON THREE LEVELS
God has created man in His image. Just as God has three parts, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, so man has three parts, the spirit, the soul, and the body. Our bodies are the physical part of us that we can see, have to wash, and put clothes on. However, the body is not who we are, it is only a "flesh suit" we wear upon this earth. When it dies, we don't die, we keep on living. The "true us" is our spirit. It is housed in this physical body, and is the part that is "born again" when we accept Jesus as our Savior. Just as our physical bodies grow, so do our spirits, as we grow in God. In between these two parts is a third, our soul. The soul consists of our mind, will and emotions. It's the part we think and feel with, the part that makes our decisions, forms our words, and learns as we grow.
As our bodies travel around in the physical realm, our spirits travel in a parallel, spiritual realm. The two realms are connected together; nothing can happen in one without happening in the other. When we talk in the physical realm, we are speaking words of faith, or words of unbelief in the spiritual realm, When we give tithes and offerings in the physical realm, we are planting financial seed in the spiritual realm.
How can the sexual act bring about this joining together? To understand this, we need to understand that it doesn't take place only in the physical, flesh realm. Actually, although most of us (especially men) concentrate on the physical part of sex, that isn't even the dominant realm where it takes place.
Stop and think for a moment. When you become sexually aroused, is it because of something that it happening to your body, or something that is happening in your mind? For all of us, male and female, it starts in the mind. Yes, it is possible to get somebody's body to respond sexually without them being interested, it happens all the time in rape cases. But that's not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about being sexually aroused, and interested. That can only happen in the mind. In fact, when someone is sexually aroused in his or her mind, the body cannot refuse.
Any human being is capable of becoming sexually aroused without any physical contact. This is called fantasizing. In fact, humans are capable of become sexually aroused to the point of climax without any physical contact.
On the other hand, it is impossible to become truly sexually aroused without thinking about it. This is why many women have a problem becoming aroused...they never think about sex. Men on the other hand, being driven by testosterone, think about sex regularly, so it is very easy for them to become sexually aroused.

Women have a harder time becoming involved in sex on just a physical level. That is because they recognize sex as an emotional activity taking place in the soul level. Men, on the other hand, start off tending to just look at sex on the physical level. Until their sexual need is met, they can't see past that point. However, once their physical need is met, men will become tired of sex just on the physical level. They won't know why it doesn't have the excitement that it did previously, but they will end up becoming dissatisfied with their sex life.
At this point, many men decide that the problem is their sexual partner, and either become frustrated, or make a change of sexual partner. They look for satisfaction through lust, rather than moving into the soul level in their sexual relationship. This is not due to a desire for sin, rather a lack of understanding about how to move into the next level of intimacy.

We need to stress this point that sex is not just a physical activity. Actually, the sexual union takes place on three levels, body, soul, and spirit. When we join our bodies together, there is an equal joining together of our souls and our spirits. Since most couples stay in the physical sexual realm, we don't see the joining on the other levels, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Remember, "he who goes to bed with a harlot becomes one with her."
This becoming one, is the joining together in the soul realm. Some people call it a "soul tie." It happens anytime you have sex with someone, and stays with you for the rest of your life.
As I mentioned earlier, nothing takes place in just the physical realm, but also takes place in the spiritual realm. Therefore, when you have sex in the physical realm, you also have sex in the spiritual realm. The sexual union is happening on all three levels at the same time, without our even sensing it.

To get the most out of the sexual union, we need to move out of just the physical realm, and begin actively participating in sex on the soul and spirit levels. This not only is a more fulfilling relationship, but it also does more to bring "oneness" or unity into our relationship. We can only move out of the physical and into the soul realm when we have sexual relations more often than either one has a sexual desire.
If all you are doing is having sex in the physical realm, you are just having sex. That doesn't do anything to make you one flesh. To become one flesh, you have to move out of the physical realm, and into the soul realm.